After the death of a loved one, it is easy to get swept away with the idea of quickly returning to a new normal. Many popular movies and shows make it appear as though grief lasts for a short period of time and then one day the griever just simply moves on. Maybe this is the case for some people but this also gives a false impression of what grief is and how long it can last. There seems to be an obsession with personifying grief as negative and avoiding it altogether. Grief is not the enemy, "grief is just love with no place to go.
Grief must be treated with the respect and honor that it deserves. We must admit that the person or people that we are grieving are worth that effort. According to Griefrecovery.com, “grieving is a process that requires acknowledging our feelings. It is going to hurt. There’s no way to avoid that pain and ignoring it will just make it worse.”. Often, we are stuck in a cycle of grief avoidance and have never truly grieved. Taking on more work or distracting oneself from ever having to confront the loss are prime examples of this behavior. Even though our fast paced and work glorifying culture caters to participating in this practice, it doesn’t mean that it is healthy for you.
Asma Rehman, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, describes a few of these health risks of incomplete grief as “illness, stomach problems, nausea, trouble sleeping, muscle tightness or aches, energy depletion, headaches, lack of appetite, etc.”. While it may initially feel better to shove down the feelings of associated with grief into the recesses of the body, there are severe consequences from not processing grief sufficiently.
Set aside some time to let the emotions flow on your own terms. Be mindful of the pain and allow it to work through you. If there are tears, let them flow. It is a perfectly natural process and there is no time frame to abide by. Cancel a few of those appointments and scale back on some hours a work. Allow yourself to respect and cherish the memories of the people you have lost.
Reach out to people who make you feel good and care enough to listen and ask questions about your person. It can be difficult to ask a loved one or friend for a helping hand, but over time it becomes easier. David James Lees, an ordained Taoist monk and emotional and spiritual health teacher, agrees that reaching out is imperative to healing. “It is very important for the griever to begin to talk to someone that they trust and can share their thoughts and emotions with. In the initial stages of the grieving process, the listener must be just that, a good listener! People who are grieving need to talk freely about their loved ones as they begin to process the reality of what has happened.”.
If up to this point you or somebody you know has been avoiding grief, now is the time to set aside the time to confront it. Avoiding grief and attempting to bury your pain can have negative health implications. You are not alone in this process and having the courage to confront and allow these feelings to move through you will help you live alongside your grief.